3 Worst things…part 3

One So Called Friend

I always had a feeling in the back of my mind that she wasn’t a true friend to me. I should’ve went with that feeling. I was one of those who held on to friendship. I need very clear signs to know when to let go, at least then.

It was about a month and half or so, give or take a few days, since the day of burying my mother. As you know living in blissful ignorance and whatnot had become my life. Anyway, it was my dear friends birthday. If I do the math, she was about 2 years older than I so it would’ve been her 22nd or 23rd birthday. I just wanted to bury myself and self medicate. But it was her birthday and she had confided in me that her boyfriend sold marijuana. Why not kill two birds with one stone. Support my “friend” and lift my spirits as well. Her mom gave her the run of the house for the evening. My one thought was on dulling my senses.

As the small gathering continued on and more guests started to arrive so did her boyfriend. She was aware that I was looking to get high and had intentions on speaking to him about it, so when I got the opportunity I spoke to him and gave him my number for when he had what I wanted. Soon after, I left with the people I came with and went home. As we discussed the nights events, and waited on a call in anticipation on getting high, my flip phone rang. “Yes”, I thought! But when I answered it wasn’t my dealer for the evening. It was my friend. Maybe she was making sure we got home okay, but nope! The question to me was, “Did you give such and such (her man) your number at my party?” Now, not that I had a reason to for any unseemly reason, but by nature I tend to tell on myself. I don’t know, I’ve just always been that way. Anyway, so I said, “yea”, and reminded her about what I wanted and reminded her of the fact that she knew. From what I heard and understood it was clear she had never discussed it with him that I wanted his services; so great job on his part for telling her that  one of her friends passed him their number at her party; but did you tell her what and why? Put him aside, #1 You knew because we discussed it, #2 Your “friends” in the background are pumping you up ruining your vibes at your own party and #3 which hurt me the most every time I thought about it, not only did I put aside my feelings to come to your party but I was raped not even 2 months ago and all I wanted to do was self medicate and you’re accusing me of trying to get with your boyfriend. Really? Was that really how this was going down? Was this my so called friend telling me how stank I was. So called was right. I was livid and since she clearly wanted to just listen to whatever was being sung in her ear, I told her about herself then hung up. She called back. I answered and hung up. She called back. I answered and hung up. That continued for at least ten pick ups and hang ups til I finally just turned the ringer off. It was either drive back to her house to really get into it or find another dealer. The dealer was worth more of my time.

Micah 7:5 Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words.

…Nothing else need to be said.

Now in reading these latest posts on the worst things said and possibly future posts, I need you, the reader, to understand that I no longer hold any negative feelings towards the people it references. That’s one of the best things I love and appreciate about God, when He gives you peace it truly surpasses all meaning and understanding. People are people. He can move mountains, surely He can move hearts to forgive.

…And He has.

…In hindsight He was really teaching me not to rely on other means for comfort. I was a bit of a slow learner in that aspect as you’ll come to learn as you read on.

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