Did I somehow know?

I was about nine or ten.

She kissed me and said goodbye.

As I watched her from the porch, a few strides closer to her destination, I had the biggest urge I’ve ever felt and could ever remember to this day to yell out I love you to someone, to her. I did. Turning her head back as she adjusted her work purse, she replied back, “I love you too honey.” We smiled at each other and she disappeared into the hedges that blocked the remaining few houses from that angle.

Perhaps it was the hue of the early morning light or the way that dawn sky created a somber atmosphere in the eerie time of morning but as I closed the door quickly behind me to grab a glimpse of her in the front window, leaving pass those prickly hedges, tears ran down my eyes like someone caught up in the emotions conjured up in a movie.

There was no premise for the tears or the overwhelming feeling of abandonment I felt. My mother would be back after work, per usual, later that evening. By that age I knew enough about myself to know that this was too emotional even for me.

I love you. I love you too honey. Tears. Really?

Could it be I was overly swept with emotion or could it be that even then my inner self knew she wouldn’t be with me as long as I’d like in this life? I thought those things to myself, even then, not about loosing her in the future the way it happened of course, but being overly emotional and why I felt so strongly about her just then. Did I somehow know?

I never told her about the tears that escaped me. I wonder if she would think me emotional or connected to her inner spirit as I did?

 

Author: piecesofgoretty

My name is Goretty Gordon, also known as the mom from The Jamaitians on YouTube. I wear so many hats, that of a wife, a mom of now 4, a writer and more. As full as my life is I haven't always been present in it. In fact, the posts in this blog express my desire and PURSUIT OF PEACE in my life, a task in itself so difficult made much harder after the MURDER of my mother back in 2001. WRITING has become instrumental in my FINDING PEACE along with other things such as ACCEPTANCE in who I am truly, whatever that may be at any given moment. Many things have transpired in my life since the start of this blog and I can only hope that my turmoil, heartaches and grievances that I've conquered and those that I continue to work through will benefit someone in getting through their own pains.

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