No longer being able to say…

There’s a time in everyone’s life, one way or another, you utter the words, “I want my mommy!” It never escaped me, that feeling, that urge. No longer being able to say, “I want my mommy”, forces down a basketball sized porcupine down ones throat, mine anyway. One I swallowed many lingering days and endless nights. One that was more present during those moments in life where every second seemed one to be remembered.

A porcupine.

It clogged my airway when I realized a living being resided in me for the very first time and each time after that. No amount of epidural could have soothed the pain it caused, that porcupine.

It pricked my esophagus when I bore my children. Each time it added fuel to the fury of giving birth.

Those children will never know more than what is told of her and that sends spiky jolts of pain in my throat when it crossed my mind.

I want my mommy.  Sigh. Some never knew theirs to begin with.

That thought brings forth tears for them but that ache only adds to my own.

They hurt me. I want my mommy. I did something wrong. I want my mommy. I’m addicted. I want my mommy. I lost my job. I want my mommy. I’m getting married. I want my mommy. I’m pregnant. I want my mommy. I hate her but yet still. I want her, I want my mommy. I miss her so much but I can no longer call out, I want my mommy!

We all have different variations of emotions when it comes to our mothers and the need of them. That can be said for human interaction in general but mommy…well there’s no other.

Thank God for being the god of all comforts! His love and compassion overshadows any lost. His warmth, his kindness, his tenderness dims every hurt, every pain. Today, now, these days, as I put my trust in him and give him my woes…I have my own little ones calling out…”I want my mommy!” When once that took me back to a time of pain and emptiness I smile and rejoice in the gifts God has given.

 

 

Author: piecesofgoretty

My name is Goretty Gordon, and this is my life's journey. It's filled with heartache, turmoil, and grief but also the greatness that comes out of my life's storms. Being free of past hurt and sorrow is a must to be able to see the light in you and at the end of the dark tunnels, life drags us through. I search for my peace and find it in the unpeaceful until the presence of inner peace truly begins to shine in and through me. This is the journey of my life, then, now and so on as I find and hold on dearly to peace.

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