I caused a lot of damage because of that old saying, hurt people hurt people. The understanding of that notion was never more clear to me then after I had returned Jesus’ embrace. While engulfed in your own pain, troubles, valleys, whatever you want to name it, in those moments your mindset is obviously and so matter of factly, on you and the effects that the current situation has on your life. This is so even when the troubles we face don’t affect us directly. We can be a self-centered bunch, us humans. But speaking for myself as only I can, I too never saw the remnants of my anguish-filled living until it was behind me.
Before me, around me, and sometimes alongside me were people who meshed well with the chaos my life brought. The blind living and detestable decisions packaged in what we claim to be fun would certainly add more distance between them and Jesus, as surely it distanced me. Hurt people hurt people…In ways, we rarely think about.
There are consequences of how I dealt with my pain in the past, some more damaging than others and some more damaging to others than others. The impact we make on people and the imprint we leave behind is never so distant from our minds and hearts as when we are smack dab in the middle of one of life’s obstacles. People are in our lives for many reasons and if they are around long enough their ways may become our ways and vise-versa.
There had been feelings of guilt for some time for having stirred some in the wrong direction where I could’ve made a better impact by just simply living a better life, being a better me. By learning, accepting his grace, mercy, forgiveness and turning away from the wagging finger of condemnation I am free. Free to enjoy those gifts, his lessons, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and freedom from my own ill thoughts of myself magnified by negative outcomes of the choices I made. I take a deep breath now… thanking God for this season and the future one He may grant. I thank him as well for the lessons thus far. He continues to put my pieces together.