Confirmation

It’s more than déjà-vu. Not just a mere coincidence, nor a one-time yay or nay. It isn’t a whim of the “universe”. It’s so much more and when it occurs…you know without a shadow of a doubt, your path is made clear, your next move covered, your feet are lit by a lamp so bright that no blocks before you won’t cause permanent stumbling which can land you flat on your face…defeated. That is if we decide to listen to the obvious responses. What is it? Nothing but absolute confirmation. Yes, wonderful confirmation. Another important part of life which proves all the more that God is listening. Responding.

I’ve had a few run-ins with confirmation, that beautiful push or pull. To be clear-minded, guilt-free, and to sigh deeply due to happiness over a situation where without confirmation you’d be left blind, deaf and perhaps mute is nothing short of a blessing.

There is a specific time, however, that one must also seek confirmation in regards to perhaps a previous confirmation. I’m referring to the end or continuation of that previous confirmation. Often times we hold onto things so tightly because we’ve received the confirmation, the big Yes or no in some cases…in my life from God, that we neglect the fact that confirmation too is only for a time, a period, a season. So when is confirmations’ time up? You may need to pray on that as well. In fact, you should. You can ask yourself many questions, which would honestly be highly based on feelings at that given moment, but think. If God gave you that confirmation, to begin with, shouldn’t he have a say in whether it’s time for a new thing? Of course! Why not continue on a guided path? One that will guarantee a tour guide, The Ultimate Tour Guide, best suited for any experience you may have, equipped for any adventures and detours life may throw your way.

1 John 5:14 This is the confidence we in approaching God; that if we ask anything to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him.

Psalms 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

…Reader, speaking from experience…keep your feet lit 😉

 

Fear of being wrong

It falls along the lines of fear of failure, however, in regards to spirituality and peace, it’s much deeper than that.

I’ve struggled with fear of failure before and have come to realize I’ve also struggled with fear of success. What a trap it is to face both of these nonverbal beasts. A trap that allows for nothing to be productive. A trap that grips tighter at one’s arms, legs and mind. Every discouraging thought flooding to the forefront of your mind each time you decide for a brief moment to accomplish something…anything, as if a steel wall was built there for that very purpose. What a trap. A trap that renders you numb to the notion of any attempts to show life. Visions fade. Goals vanish. Tasks are left undone. All this because of some phantom beast or beasts that exist in your mind’s mind to do nothing but delay, stall, procrastinate and halt your progress. Oh, what a trap. I thank Jesus for releasing me of these imperturbable traps.

Fear of failing is one thing, fear of success another, but what about fear of being wrong. Of course, besides the obvious pride that goes into this kind of fear, the thought that you can possibly be wrong about that certain thing can destroy someone’s life and well-being all together in one good swoop. I’ve come across many who have devoted themselves to things out of sheer excitement. These things, sometimes harmful, seem like a sure thing, at the time anyway. That being said it scares me so much for those people who refuse to accept obvious truths no matter how elaborate the proof is, out of fear that there’s that one off chance they may be wrong. I suppose this particular blog is just to say that although I know that I know that I know that Jesus is real, alive and well and all about my good, if by some off chance this was all an elaborate hoax, if the Bible was written by man’s mind, well if the joke is on me and I die and that’s it….

I had an amazing life. Peace, love, purpose…and so so much more…I would have had a blessed life. That being said I fell in love with Jesus and continue to work on my relationship with Him daily…with absolutely NO REGRETS, wrong or not…but, I’m not! 😉 🙂

Isaiah 54:4 “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated…”

Romans 10:11 As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

No waiting in line and no appointments needed

These days there is no shortage of businesses offering shorter wait times and speedy services for a price most find reasonable enough compared to the alternative of spending one’s time waiting for the same outcome. Fast food, I’m guessing because research on fast food doesn’t interest me, however, was for convenience sakes, but now with the rise of social media, online shopping and the like, avoiding lines in itself has become a thing. What’s crazy, as we strive to avoid the wait time to receive conventional services and products, a lot of that wait time we avoid not only comes with a price tag to match but also some essential things may not be included. For instance, fast food, as convenient as it may be, lacks the nutrients we truly need from the meal. Not only that, nowadays in an attempt to avoid lines, certain conveniences such as fast food actually puts you right smack dab in a line that can take just as much time if not longer had you just cooked yourself. This blog, however, isn’t about fast food. 

I hate lines.

Who doesn’t right?

Over the years I’ve grown in my patience and am pretty good at adapting to a line I must be in, but something came to mind a few days ago as I worshipped and praised God for where He’s brought me and where He’s taking me. The thought was this…

When it comes to Jesus and his anointing, his blessings, his peace, his Love, all of Him, I don’t have to wait in line. In fact, I don’t even have to make an appointment. I suppose you can call this one of those Ah-ha moments when you’ve realized something so obvious but you were oblivious. His added convenience of no-line waiting and no appointment needed is one I am utterly grateful for. Plus nothing He gives comes without all the good benefits for your life. His unconditional love alone out of all his glorious benefits and gifts, you can’t get anywhere else. And if we think on it there are those people in life who actually, on purpose, make you wait for their love. How ridiculous.  Flip that though, because that’s what we do to Jesus. We are the ones who make him wait. And he’s the one offering so much. We are ridiculous.

Now for all those who need it, the disclaimer is this…Jesus isn’t a genie or anything that grants wishes on demand. He often gives you not what you ask for but whats better and his wait time for the things you do ask are always right on time, eliminating the perceived notion of that painfully tedious wait time. He is the ultimate provider, healer, comforter and so much more! If you desire His unchanging love and all that comes with knowing him I just want to give you that sense of Ah-ha I had and remind you…You don’t have to make an appointment or wait in line. We are the ones who actually make him wait. Yes, He’s actually just waiting on you. He’s always in the market for you. 

Isaiah 30:18 Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

…And If I had to, His line would absolutely be worth the wait, as it is full of all the right nutrients I need for every course in my life. God bless you reader and if getting to know Jesus more is on your heart and you need a little guidance, feel free to reach out.

 

Newness in 2019

Today, I am filled with speechlessness and awe that speaks loudly in my inner ears. Surely the feeling of contentment is birthed through this. My burdens seem to be shriveling before me. Yes, they wither, and crumble, and fall before me and I walk atop them with not a care in the world. I inhale and take deep sighs and breathe, savoring this moment because when you’ve been in the wilderness you appreciate all the more the clearing before you.

My trip was filled with family stories, dancing, joys, and laughter. New faces surfaced and old ones also made their appearance even if just by a mere phone call. It felt so short, but any good trip leaves you feeling that way. There was a time even on shorter trips when I felt I had overstayed my welcome. Those feelings dragged me back to the aftermath of an emotional earthquake, swallowing whole anything that could possibly produce some form of happiness and sense of peace. No longer. Not this time. This time was different in all the best ways. Of course, there were some bumps in the road. Family members getting sick and feverish as we were encased by the Massachusetts winters wrath, my older brother, ending up in the ER for a time, even after I had long returned home with my family. But if I’ve learned anything is that we all have a path and on that path, if we are to learn anything, it will never be just a path. It won’t be a clear clean road if we are to be better at the end of it. By God’s grace, everyone is doing well and health is being restored each day.

There’s a new lightness dwelling in me, a renewed lightness. It’s only the beginning. January still remains. It dares us to dream, change and mold ourselves, better yet to be molded. I am enjoying the process thus far, although I know at some point my human nature may want to run from such bending and surrendering, however, I am equipped to a point and continue to equip myself for the storms that are sure to come with this life. I am no longer completely blind. I am stronger and the All-Seeing continues to light up the path of my steps. New things are happening, newness and lightness. I will continue on this path but will focus on Him as he guides me because well, everything is new. I’ve never lived in 2019 before. Have you?

Joshua 3:3-4 giving orders to the people: “When you see the ark of the covenant of the Lord your God, and the priests, who are Levites, carrying it, you are to move out from your positions and follow it. Then you will know which way to go since you have never been this way before.

…Keep your eyes on Him and he will guide you. Don’t get caught up on the hypes that accompany newness, whatever that may be for you. You don’t know what 2019 has in store for you, follow Him and you won’t be disappointed. God Bless you reader 🙂

Timing

My expectations were, to say the least, none existent but my hope of a time well spent, unmeasurable. I actually couldn’t believe it, I was actually going back.

The trip had been planned one evening on a slight whim after confirming with a relative of room and board for the entire family. I never thought at that moment it would happen due to all the times that the trip didn’t happen. My mind had been made up a long time ago that I wasn’t going to push the subject or make my own way of going back since it was clear God was blocking my path. And so life went on, happily for the most time, I might add. A little over 5 years plus another son later, I found myself in the air on my way back to Massachusetts, this past Christmas.

Perhaps it was the renewed sense of peace I had gained throughout the years or the nostalgia of remembering where I came from and how far I’ve come…not in materialistic ways but within myself…but this trip, this trip was different from all the others before it. I wondered if all the other trips had been so calm and relaxed if I would’ve stayed away so long? Would I have taken things into my own hands to seek out family and friends regardless of the obvious need to let go and heal?  Probably so. We hardly know what’s good for us during good times little lone in the midst of hard times. Thank goodness for the trials that are actually there to protect us from ourselves.

 

Working progress

I’m still figuring it out

I am a working progress

My reasons for anger have turned into conquered fears

Tears that once burned the flesh around my eyes now tumble in slow motion along the sides of both corners of my mouth causing me to smile sincerely

I am by no means perfect

I am a working progress

He is beautifully sculpting

I am triumphantly submitting

Again, I am not perfect

In between some molding, I cringe

Sometimes I harden but his fatherly discipline caters to this child’s specific needs

I am a working progress

What a journey this has been and continues to be

I pray to continue being so, a working progress I mean

To imagine the arrogance with nothing to back it up behind the opposite side which states, I am now perfect

How ridiculous.

I delight in knowing his heights always provide an infinite amount of bars to climb

Bars that climb none other than upwards

He delights in securing my path

Like any child, I seek the puffed out chest of a proud parent

I am a working progress and will continue to be

These next few days leading up to a brand new year

Continue to be a working progress

 

Freedom from the damage I caused

I caused a lot of damage because of that old saying, hurt people hurt people. The understanding of that notion was never more clear to me then after I had returned Jesus’ embrace. While engulfed in your own pain, troubles, valleys, whatever you want to name it,  in those moments your mindset is obviously and so matter of factly, on you and the effects that the current situation has on your life. This is so even when the troubles we face don’t affect us directly. We can be a self-centered bunch, us humans. But speaking for myself as only I can, I too never saw the remnants of my anguish-filled living until it was behind me.

Before me, around me, and sometimes alongside me were people who meshed well with the chaos my life brought. The blind living and detestable decisions packaged in what we claim to be fun would certainly add more distance between them and Jesus, as surely it distanced me. Hurt people hurt people…In ways, we rarely think about.

There are consequences of how I dealt with my pain in the past, some more damaging than others and some more damaging to others than others. The impact we make on people and the imprint we leave behind is never so distant from our minds and hearts as when we are smack dab in the middle of one of life’s obstacles. People are in our lives for many reasons and if they are around long enough their ways may become our ways and vise-versa.

There had been feelings of guilt for some time for having stirred some in the wrong direction where I could’ve made a better impact by just simply living a better life, being a better me. By learning, accepting his grace, mercy, forgiveness and turning away from the wagging finger of condemnation I am free. Free to enjoy those gifts, his lessons, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and freedom from my own ill thoughts of myself magnified by negative outcomes of the choices I made. I take a deep breath now… thanking God for this season and the future one He may grant. I thank him as well for the lessons thus far. He continues to put my pieces together.