Being stripped

It became harder and harder to look at myself in the mirror and recognize anything I liked in the reflection before me.

Today I realize that I was being stripped. Stripped of loved ones, sense of security, my dignity, and so much more. Then came the point when I was stripped of a place to lay my head at night.

Unforeseen circumstances “forced” friend/roommates to break our lease. They had their backup set up but I, well I had to figure it out. This lead to being stripped of that friendship, the last from the place I escaped. In hindsight, it was a dysfunctional friendship anyhow.

What a feeling that was. No mom, no family around, no friends, no home.¬† The feeling of betrayal, embedding itself deep beneath my inner skin,¬†coursed through me with every breath. The tides had to turn and soon before I could no longer recognize myself completely. My circumstances felt too powerful for me to handle. The me I was becoming could not be the me I was intended to be. But I still refused to return to the home I once knew. That home had been dismantled completely and I was in no position to put it back together. The person I was, couldn’t.

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

…These days I willingly sacrifice my brokenness to Him.

…These days I am oh so grateful to know He sees the me He knows me to be and not the reflection of what I had once been.

…These days I am learning to see the me He sees.