The meaning of life

OMG! Seriously?!?

So I officially have a 12-year-old. 😲Where has the time gone and where is it going? Inevitably, to the other side of this world, I would imagine. My firstborn has turned twelve human years and I can’t identify when all this time came and went.

REFLECTION IS NICE BUT LIVING IS BETTER

I am one that reflects, not to be confused with one that dwells, which I’ve been known to do as well on occasion. I am one that reminisce. I am one that has struggled with the byproduct of reflection, looking back and getting caught in the webs of yesterday in my mind. At times, remembering yesterday is good, healthy even, but living for today, especially in the moments that truly matter, is best. How else would you have anything to look back to.

Simply existing won’t do. Flowers exist. The mountains exist. Each with its own importance and purpose but to live life in the moment also has a purpose. Not only does it give meaning to oneself but also builds a lifetime of mental doors to unlock that hold inside memories that uplift, lessons that educate, conquered fears that caution and conceive growth, and so much more. Living in itself is the meaning.

HOW YOUR MOMENTS ARE LIVED

Whether you are one to live out loud, throwing caution to the wind as you live your best life, or you are one to be more subdued in your mannerisms, don’t allow any shyness you may have, or any insecurities you struggle with keep you from living. Be in the moment. Literally laugh out loud! Chase the children without your phone strapped to you like an extra limb!

Taste  your meals and savor each ingredient, and when you work out, feel the tingle as the sweat slides down the nape of your neck on down! Life is only but a moment, it is this moment. Enjoy as much of it as you possibly can, and learn from it as much as you can in a way that suits the person you truly are. In return, if you are granted the next moment, you can live with the full knowledge that if and when you do look back, you’ll have a life full of moments being a lamp to guide you into your next steps. So…In other words, have the cake and eat it too!

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Sincerely, me

An acknowledgement had to be made.

I won’t put you in a list, because how dare I and for whom? I respect you and won’t parade you unless to uplift you.

You are not so bad that you stunt my growth. You allow me to be distinct from others. Those distinctions, those distinctions I grew up to appreciate. Back then, however, they drew the attention of mockers, teasers and abusers.

I don’t think I ever said, I forgive you.

I don’t think I ever said, I forgive me.

I can look deep inside you now. Sometimes I even put you on pedal stool for all to see. I’m perplexed when speaking to people these days; it seems you’re worth so much. Who would’ve thought?

I accept you completely because not only don’t you respect my growth and it’s process, you’ve also impacted it for the better in the light of day.

I accept and appreciate what you put me through. I accept and appreciate you. I accept and appreciate me.

Dearest Flaws,

An upside down letter, which should be read either up or down. Try it and share this post.

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Thanks for your gratitude & support, truly.  paypal.me/GorettyGordon  

Why did I do that?

Have you ever stolen your own peace?

It had been weeks upon weeks. To be totally transparent, it had been months. I kept myself riding. Why did I do that? The internal roller coaster of emotions went from one extreme to the next. I had my moments of revealing my thoughts and feelings, whatever they may have been at the given time, but those moments were very few. I try to speak up and out. It’s a constant fight being heard only in ones own head. Not just because ears aren’t being used to hear mouths also eventually stop speaking. I have improved but more work needs to be done. Rather, it is continuous work.

Months later and one thing I’ve learned is if you’re constantly reminding yourself you’re not mad anymore, or you’re over it…then you’re not. You’re really just trying to convince yourself. Plain and simple.

But then again, at times, not that plain nor that simple. Sometimes we subconsciously protect ourselves. Our feelings may say, “Danger Danger”, and it is for good reason. Persistent discomfort physically, spiritually, and or mentally definitely requires some kind of looking into.

If it is a case of you truly not being over the negative emotions and the cycle of keeping it in, releasing it all in one breath, and sinking back into your shell of internal fights and arguments, then agony, misery, and hurt feelings will just continue. 

Another thing is, don’t walk around undiagnosed. People are not always as aware as we’d like to make them out to be in our minds. That person you having silent arguments with may not care or they may not know they got you in your feelings. And honestly, either of those two reasons are why the struggle goes on for so long. Tell them your heart’s diagnosis. Figure out if they care or if they were just oblivious to your hurt. Being undercover mad will not get the results you feel you need to move on.

SOMETIMES WE NEED TO DECLUTTER OUR MINDS.

Stop having full-on arguments and fights with people in your mind. Speak your truth no matter what and wait for the response to that truth. Follow up with whatever action that needs to be taken. From a common understanding between you and the other to a mutual parting of ways. Find the outcome that best serves you.

IT’S FOR YOU

Don’t expect an apology because you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. The sharing of your truth is for you. Just how they say forgiveness sets you free and it’s for you not the other person so is the act of sharing your feelings about something that is gnawing at you. Nothing is worse than being alone or even crowded by others and you are silent, having conversations in your head, speaking for the other person as well as yourself. You’ll find yourself responding in your head negatively to anything they say, even if it’s about the weather, but you speak something totally opposite out of politeness and consideration for their feelings. All the while you don’t think they consider your feelings at all. If you don’t consider yourself how can anyone else consider you. Don’t do that! Speak! Speak even when you think the response won’t be what you want. Speak even when you believe you already know what the response will be. Speak! Stop thinking and speak.

Declutter your mind. Live peacefully.

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Thanks for your gratitude & support, truly.  paypal.me/GorettyGordon  

Growing but grown

I’m growing yes but I’m grown…don’t try me!

Don’t assume you can shake my stance in the pool of peace. I don’t accept your flirtatious glance nor your invasion, the abrupt insertion into our lives, my life. The sight of you brings ripples into my pool of peace but I will not be shaken.

I can sense your caos from miles away. No need for me to run. I am growing but I am grown, don’t try me! The answer and all future answers will be, no. No to the unease you permeate, no to the presence of one who pretends in vain to be of stable mind, no to the cringe worthy mindset that should be kept hidden but you have boldly put forth for the world to witness. I am grown and have the ability to be bold as well.

I boldly and peacefully decide you don’t belong in my pool of peace not even on the pebbles and rocks that surround me causing a shift at times in my demeanor. These shifts may be brought on by many other factors. Afterall life does need to happen. But you, you are not worthy of a shift. I won’t entertain you. I am growing so I will not cave to silent pleas of indecisiveness brought on by those parts of me still struggling to grow.

My stance is firmly planted, my mind made up. I am growing but I’m a good 40 grown and you will not invade my pool of peace.

Follow: Youtube & IG @theJamaitians

Thanks for your gratitude & support, truly.  paypal.me/GorettyGordon  

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