Remember the dancing

Sometimes we win and other times we lose. Depending on your choices you may have lost big. I’ve learned that by relying on God’s grace your wins can be out of this world.

It’s the time of year when changes start to flicker in the hearts of many. Declarations of better future living are conceived and resolutions of new endeavors began to take space in our minds. It is also the time of year some start to dwell on missed opportunities and out of sheer refusal to go yet another year of not accomplishing yet another goal placed by the pressures of these times, rush and go on a rampage of checking things off their must-do lists. For a few this may work well, being under pressure and all, but for others, it’s another spiral down that condemning cave of failings and disappointments.

I remember dancing with her on Thanksgiving years ago. The year is fuzzy to me but the moment clear as day. The circumstances surrounding that day were up and down, to say the least. After all, it is the holidays. It is Thanksgiving and it does get a bit hectic for the host. A moment which could have been smoothed away with an apology, a laugh and maybe a shrug of the shoulder was turned into a moment of rudeness, tears, and hurt feelings. Dancing with her turned it around. Or am I mixed around and was the dancing first? The thing to remember was the dancing. The comfort of it all. I never knew then how much I wanted to take the embarrassment from her and have her joyous always. She held us all together and deserved every happiness. The thing to remember was the dancing.

After her death, my choices…Oh boy, my choices caused me to lose and I lost BIG! For a long time, I lost self. Myself.  During this holiday season as my own stirrings of declaration come more and more in focus…I will be grateful for what I have accomplished. I will not dive into the pit of regret, failings, and condemnation. I will focus on the dancing. His grace didn’t get me through so I could focus on the losses. His work in me will be completed.

This season remember your accomplishments no matter how small and continue to rely on Him to help you with all future endeavors. He will get you through. Don’t forget the dancing….whatever that is for you 🙂

Birthday resolution

I decided to make a birthday resolution because well, why wait for new years to do a self check? As often as one can is my advice.

Taking a look at life’s twist and turns this past year, I…Remembering the foolish mistakes and happy turnabout…I am grateful. Being that what it was and now being what it is, my birthday resolution will be to keep on keeping on. I will continue in faith to be the me that He sees. For one who has considered at one time to take her own life, this resolution isn’t made lightly. It is as simple as it is difficult, to live but… not only to live but to live with peace, in peace. Truly understanding that even in the mist of hardship, His peace will reign. Shining through my life, like a beacon, a beacon so profound with its beam it warms my soul.

I will lean towards peace, my inner peace, my beacon.

As corny as it may sound, the ones out there who’ve truly felt derailed by life can understand; when light is finally evident in your life after suffocating in the dark, alone, or so you/ I thought, for so many years, your like a dog with a bone, a beggar with a hot meal after being deprived for so long. Call it what you will. Call me what you will, but I refuse to let go. I refuse to give back or give away my meal. I refuse to let go of the light , my beacon. Jesus.

So, yes my birthday will bring forth more of me pushing my way towards He. He’s got me this far.